By Joanie Cox-Henry
Singer/songwriter Sophie B. Hawkins has always been a trailblazer in the music industry. When she ignited the music scene in 1992 with her sultry single "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover," the New York City artist solidified her spot on the music charts and in the hearts of an infinite number of fans all over the globe. When the hit single made its way into an episode of Aaron Spelling's iconic teen drama Beverly Hills, 90210, Hawkins confesses she didn't even own a TV in the '90s. She looks back on the epic song placement as a moment that catapulted her career.
While she streams films and TV now and recommends binging "Dead Ringers," these days, Hawkins is still finding her schedule too stacked for much TV watching. The avid reader who just devoured Mary Karr's book, The Art of Memoir, is currently in the midst of a national tour. She also just released a fresh, liberating album titled Free Myself. The 10-track cut is Hawkins' first release since 2012's The Crossing. The velvety-voiced singer with a penchant for penning poetic lyrics describes Free Myself as a conduit of pure catharsis. The idea for it was essentially sparked after a move from Los Angeles back to New York.
"I went through a lot of stuff," Hawkins recalls. "I knew I wanted to make an album again and it was about doing the work to get there."
Hawkins is a true artist. She not only writes all of her own songs, but she is a multi-instrumentalist playing guitar, piano, keyboard and drums and is fully involved in every aspect of creating her albums. In addition to music, she paints and she's a visual artist. She added acting to her resume when she appeared as Janis Joplin in the musical Room 105.
"Being an actor is one of the most difficult things to be in the world," Hawkins says. "And that was hard on stage every night, just because you're so in it and it tears you apart emotionally. Basically, it takes something out of you and then when the show ends, that person that you created, your version of Janis is gone. You can't have her anymore. You can't be her. It's really hooking."
She has also been an LGBTQ champion identifying as omnisexual in the early nineties and pioneering the way for others with similar feelings. However, the progressive entertainer has also long been ahead of the times as an environmental protection and animal rights advocate.
Lately, Hawkins says she suddenly found herself at a creative crossroads wanting to do multiple things at once. One thing she says she has never done is get rid of any of her gear. She still has the famous Fender Strat she posed with on the train tracks for her Best of Sophie B. Hawkins album cover.
"The thing about Free Myself, is it comes from the parts of life that you don't expect, that fall apart when you don't think they ever will," Hawkins reveals. "And that's the cathartic part of it. Because we hold on and create and keep doing things and we succeed or not succeed. It's all part of the same vision that we have of ourselves. And then life just bottoms out."
Hawkins feels the message behind Free Myself is one every human can relate to. The album contains feel-good, introspective tunes such as the title track which is a gentle, soul-embracing song about being totally free and letting go, and "Love Yourself," which is a tune about going to a party and on the way home realizing how important it is to feel complete on your own. There's still an ethereal layer to Hawkins' songs and an undeniable sensuality to her vibrato and what she melodically delivers. Her ballad "Hungered For Love" is about feeling isolated during a summer rain shower and craving a connection to someone who makes her walls tumble down and transforms her spirit. "You Are My Balloon" is another memorable track on the album that is a floating symphony of notes and a whimsical homage inspired by her role as a mother. Hawkins is also eager for fans to check out her latest single "Better Off Without You," which explores betrayal and the transformative triumph of radical self-love and forgiveness.
"When we're kids, we respond to trauma and everything by doing and fixing and becoming," Hawkins explains. "And then when we're grownups, it's like, 'Wait, what? I didn't think that was going to happen.' So, then I had this period, and I had moved to L.A. for 17 years and had this relationship and a child and this whole career, and it was all mixed up together. And then the bottom fell out of it."
Hawkins then moved back to Manhattan with her son, who's four-and-a-half, and entered a space of total self-awareness and healing.
"I had to rebuild everything," Hawkins shares. "My career, my self-esteem, become a mother—alone. I wrote Free Myself basically in Manhattan."
The courageous songbird says she rented a house and used the process of writing her new album as a period of enlightenment. "I had to rebuild so much of my career after that," she adds. "It was a 20-year period of having been an independent artist with this one person managing me who was also my partner. It was just all so tightly wound, and I had to unwind in an instant. So, then that's where Free Myself came from."
Hawkins also describes the album as a metaphor for the reconstruction of her new self which she says was actually the authentic version of herself before becoming "Sophie B. Hawkins."
As she finds herself in her third act of life, she looks back on the strength and wisdom she has gathered over the years and says it's now about letting go and being free.
"It's the actual prelude to the rest of my life," she adds. "And it feels like it's going to be the most fulfilling part of my career. It's almost as though the career was also an introduction to this. Even though throughout my career, everyone would focus on and say, 'Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover,' 'As I Lay Me Down' and 'Right Beside You,' that's who you really are to me.' And I agree, that is amazing. But I feel like I'm living more now and I'm entering my best phase."
Motherhood has also undoubtedly influenced the new lyrics Hawkins is composing.
"Before motherhood, the songwriting was a duty and a need and this deep healing endeavor," she describes. "And now songwriting is this place where I go that's peaceful. In a way, it's more rewarding now. Songwriting has become this very sacred part of myself."
Being a touring musician, she says finding balance in her life can be challenging.
"It's never quite balanced and the process of writing is a long one," she adds. "And it's true for me that I will write five terrible songs and then finally the great one will come out. And I guess that's just really normal. I think all writing is like that. You have to write and write and then you finally get to the gold."
She also confesses being a mother and being on the road can be tough at times.
"I don't have as much tolerance emotionally for myself sometimes after being a mother. And then there is the sadness of having to leave them to go on tour. But there are moments when I feel like I have done this right and I'm very happy," Hawkins says. "But again, they'll grow and they'll hopefully be happy that I was a working mom. My mother was a writer. And that was the part of her that I admired the most. And that's a part of her that inspires me the most still and that I connected to the most. And I never begrudged all the time she spent writing. But I learned from it."
Not only has Hawkins evolved immensely as a performer and an artist since she began her career in the nineties, but the music industry itself is a completely different business. "While artists and audiences are still great and there have been great artists in every era, the business is terrible for artists," Hawkins reveals. "It's just worse than it's ever been. And it's because there's no consideration for the songwriting. And how does a songwriter actually make money now? It is as hard as writing a novel. I bought a muffin for $6 the other day, and I said, 'I'm in the wrong business because my song streams for 0.0006% of one cent and I don't even make that money. The record company will make that money. So how am I in the right business? But of course, it's the only business I would ever want to be in."
Hawkins is also quick to acknowledge she has been luckier than most and she's grateful for that. “As I Lay Me Down” was the longest-running single in Billboard Adult Contemporary chart history and she was nominated for a Grammy in 1993.
"I have friends in this business and I can't believe what they suffer and endure," she says. "And they're so talented, so moving. And what they suffer and endure just to get on that stage. And I'm not saying just for songwriters. I'm sure that except for the top 1%, it is just difficult. Something has to change."
While her latest tour started in March and has taken Hawkins to Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Savannah, and beyond, she says she has had a wonderful time reconnecting with fans and performing for new ones.
"It's the great part, and that part is better than ever for me," Hawkins says of performing live shows. "Because my fans have grown with me and they appreciate and love the songs that I wrote. For me, it's not linear, so I'll just say the songs that I wrote first. They love those songs so much, and I love them too. And they're still relevant. When I sing 'Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover,' it is still a completely relevant and difficult song to sing and perform because the range is so interesting. The lyrics are so involving. Everything about it is really great to me. And then my fans appreciate that. But you know what? They also love the new music and they've grown with it. The new music is still supporting people. Strangely enough, we've been through a lot of the same things. All people do, and they get it. They get where I am, and they love where I am."
Hawkins wants to reiterate just how much it means to her when people attend her live shows.
"When people come to my shows, they're getting a unique show every single night. And I want people to come out because I love the album and I'm really happy people are buying it and streaming it," Hawkins says. "But there's nothing like coming to a live show and hearing the tailored version that will never happen again. I think that's really great when people can come out and I appreciate them coming out. I know what it takes to buy the ticket and get out the door and commit to that time. And I want people to know how much I appreciate it and how much I can assure them it's worth it to please come. It's just so great. And my musicians are so great, and we put a thousand percent into each show."
Hawkins will be performing at The Funky Biscuit in Boca Raton Friday May 26, 2023. Downbeat is 9 pm. Tickets are $30-$45. Purchase tickets here. Call 561-395-2929 or visit Funkybiscuit.com.